Diarrhea
by Hybrid Fantasy
Summary: Naruto doesn't know what's worse: seeing Sasuke and Sakura have sex in his room, on HIS bed or get  very  smelly diarrhea from expired milk. Funny One-shot. SasuSaku.


"Sasuke-kuuun… Please…" she begged. "P-please stooo-"

But he didn't care.

Oh no.

She could beg as much as she wanted.

He was too turned on to stop right now.

And, damn, who could blame him?

Sakura was just drop-dead gorgeous.

Perfect hair. And perfect eyes. And, whoah, she had a perfect body, too.

The hell, she was perfect either way you looked at her.

Sasuke just knew. She was beautiful both on the outside _and_ on the inside.

He continued to kiss her lips greedily. His hands kept roaming over her body without hesitation. He had his reasons for being so, let's say… umh… _hungry_.

He had every reason in the world to feel this way.

First of all, because they didn't have sex for the past four days, which was, in his opinion, pure terror. He could go crazy. Take now, for example. He was mad and wild and passionate and _very veryvery _turned on.

Second, he was and Uchiha. And as you probably guessed, Uchiha's always get what they want when they want it, even if it meant having senseless sex with his girlfriend (who, for your information, was on a mission for the past days so the ideal of having sex in the morning, afternoon and night disappeared) on Naruto's bed.

"S-sasuke-kun…" she managed to speak through wet kisses, "What if Naruto catches us?"

Sasuke heard the worry in her voice but he simply replied huskily in her ear, "Who cares? He won't mind if we use his bed for our own personal _pleasure_…"

"But what if Hinata-Chan is with him…" she moaned as Sasuke nibbled playfully her long neck, "I mean, what if they want to use the bed… for you know…"

"Sex?" Sasuke smiled devilishly cupping her breast with his hands "They can just as well use the kitchen. We both know how amazing sex on the table can be, now don't we?" he grinned bringing back old memories.

Sakura smiled remembering. Yeah, he was right. Sex on the table really was worth wild. Even if it was a little bit painful. But it didn't matter. Any kind of sex which involved Sasuke was _always_ pure bliss. No matter the place where they decided to do it.

It didn't matter when or where they had it as long as they were together. And kinky. And stimulated. Just like now.

Sooner or later, the clothes where lying recklessly on the already messy floor. _All_ of them.

Sooner or later, they were both panting like mad, sweating like pigs, moaning like… oh, and well, just moaning sexily and yelling at unison incoherent and underrated words such as 'Aaah!', 'Yeah!', 'Just like that, mhhh!', 'Faster!', 'Harder!' and many more.

And sooner or later, Naruto barged into the room (_his _room), slamming the door against the wall with his hands hugging his stomach painfully. His loud alarmed and instant yell brought them back to reality, both shocked and embarrassed as hell.

"OH MY GOD! MY POOR VIRGIN EYES! MY EYES! THEY BURN! OH, THE FIRE!" he cried covering his eyes with his left hand. "Somebody point me to the toilet! No, scratch that, don't get up, I don't wanna see teme's family jewels!"

Sasuke and Sakura observed silently as Naruto made his way towards his bathroom, a hand covering his eyes in order to prevent any more harmful and xxx imagines reach his mind while the other continued to squeeze his belly.

He reached the bathroom quickly, only after hitting the floor from stumbling on diverse and random items (such as Hinata's slippery black panties or cans of expired tuna). He closed the door behind him noisily and 'Aaaaaaahhhh'-ed crazily after, what Sasuke and Sakura guessed, sat on the toilette seat content.

"FINALLY! I've been waiting for this moment for ages!" he exhaled noisily. "Oh, the joy!"

"Hn, so have I…" Sasuke murmured licking his lover's sweet and half-swollen lips. "Too bad somebody managed without any difficulty to ruin our old-fashioned fun!" he stated extra-loudly so that the special somebody could hear.

"Next time you decide to rape Sakura-Chan, teme, do it in your room!" they could hear Naruto from the rest room. "You're the one who's on my property, not the other way around!"

Sasuke blah-blah-ed carelessy while nuzzling Sakura's neck.

"Umh… Naruto?" Sakura asked hoping he could hear her.

He did "Yes, Sakura- Chaaaaan?"

"What happened to you?" she asked anxiously.

"Eh, nothing. I just learned my lesson. Never ever drink expired milk again. Ever." He seemed truly honest.

"W-Wait baaka… you mean to say that you're like…the time when you…?" Sasuke asked suddenly curious and maybe a bit worried.

"Yeah, teme, my stomach is revolting. And right now I'm shitting my brains out. Literally."

"Now that's a big word for you, dobe." Sasuke tried to smirk.

"Big word, small word, the only word I'm thinking 'bout now is 'diarrhea'"

Neither Sakura or Sasuke could hold back an very expected 'Eeew'.

The. Fuck.

Diarrhea.

They both had the bad luck of being in the neighborhood when Naruto last dealt with something this size. That time he ate cheese crackers. Since that day, Sasuke and Sakura never feed Naruto cheese crackers again. Ever. And they could confirm without a second though that the whole process wasn't a nice sight. Or smell.

Hell no.

The smell was…

To 'eeew' to even describe.

"Aaaaaah!" Naruto exclaimed euphorically "Woah, that was a big one! And they keep coming, maaan, they're nasty!"

They didn't feel the need for a description. The smell was already coming out to get them. Without hesitation, the jumped freakishly fast out of bed, picked up robotically their clothes off the floor, opened the door and ran as fast they could towards the kitchen. Table sex didn't sound so bad after all.

Naruto opened the door, a magnificent and proud smile already formed on his childish yet handsome features.

"Boy, oh boy, I haven't felt like this for ages! I've reborn, y'know? There are times like these when I realize that it would be best if we could have our own wire-less toilettes, get it? Anytime we feel the need just pull it out from out pockets and just shit. Ah, amazing." He went on daydreaming without realizing that his two teammates weren't present in his room anymore.

They were doing something else. Something _very _different.

"And what did we learn today, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura smiled kissing his lips tenderly as they laid cuddled on the kitchen floor.

Sasuke smiled proudly as if saying 'Ha, that's an easy one!', "Don't feed Naruto expired milk. It's just as bad as cheese crackers. No, it's worse than cheese crackers."


End file.
